Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Didnt see dat coming!!


Today i was subjected to a moment of blushing amusement. I found myself in da L24 (exclusivity) computer suite doin dis flippin disso (she really is pwissin me off - I plan to dump her on May 6th...Ssshh dnt tell her). Sittin at a 90 degree angle 2 myself was dis AZ (pronounced seperately Def: Short hand for asian - imma include these definitions for da purpose of u un-deciphered, fake anglais readers). I spot her tryn 2 make sly glances in my eye corner of (y do africans luv doin dat? - remixing da order of words in sentences!!!). Dunno if she was observing my work or jus baffled at how long my nose was for a black bredda. Anyways, I see my girl whip out her iPod like u do. Then suddenly suddenly *cue D'banj* man must've herd "Wen i said to you..". I had 2 clear my ears out 2 confirm i wasn't hearing thingz - cnt lie its been a while: note to self - buy cotton buds, *clears throat*. Then i must've herd "lie lie". WHAT!!! Nah blud. I check the best before date on the red bull i was meticulously consuming - 04/10/2010; Couldnt b dat.
She then realised i was clockin on and turned up the volume to confirm my suspicions (whilst tryna impress man wiv her "eccletic" taste in music - its like me having bangra as my ringtone)...."Olufunmi Ohhhh....la la la la na na" man cnt sing but u kno dat rest. An asian chick, in Bradford, listening 2 Styl Plus. Social ideals r seriously being backhanded, shanked and shot in da head coz i really didnt see dat cumin. I wonder who evn exposed her to such - Then again da black population in Bradz is gettin emotional....I remember...wait datz nxt blog material. But yh, social stereotypes/ideal r being smashed-up nicely. Take da chick (i mean snr citizen) on BGT (Britains Got [no] Talent). Now dnt lie, wen u saw her.... 1st impressions? ermm...erhhh...."I knew she was gonna b a good singe..." AHHHHH shut ur whole face. U kno u culd imagine her in Elephant & Castle subways buskin 4 change. But den her voice.......its was like watching ur team come back from 3-0 down to win 4-3 in the last ten minutes, or da smell of Jelloff in ur nose wen ur famished......its was like beauty & da beast, Jeykll & Hyde, Heaven n hell, Poppadoms & Egosi, Ms ***** off and on her period, Armpit Hair & Puss....Oi imma stop there; u get my drift. Her performance inspired me n alot of others cah. Jus goes to sho u suld neva judge a girl by da colour of her weave...or suttum 2 dat effect.


Afta sum blogs, I'll include dis RATN (relax and take note) sektion 4 any random observations i make. So boi lemme set it off wit dis one.

RATN - Why do these post-graduate uncles look @ u lyk dey kno ur father? I mean da one I saw 2day didnt say anything but jus had dat "Kmt...I will report u 2 ur fadda" look on his discombobulated facial.

Slightly Malfunktional

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Look whose ere >>>>

To my Father:
1st & foremost thank u Jesus 4 another day/night; simply having the ability to inhale *inhales* & exhale *exhales* is a blessing. I kno I aint nowhere near where I need 2 b wit u, but I pray 4 ur grace 2 eventually see me thru dis "Nominal christian" period im goin thru - its NOT a gud luk.

I dnt promote tings like dis so if ur reading dis, it woz ur destiny to do so!!! What u see here doesn't have 2 stay here but how u take it is ur personal pie - I cannot be held responsible for any comical innuedos or offense caused (my lawyer told me to include dis - Im covered blud lol)

To YOUUUUUU: *Cue Souljah Boy"
So, I've finally subjected myself to da term 'blogger'. Im a wasteman for dat seein as I used 2 gun my boi for jumpin on dis blogging-skankerz ting (im workin on a tune 4 dat - Oh an watch out 4 "Pat Ur Weave!!! Track cumin real soonoz!!!).

But yeah, dis is me. Fought millions of potential siblings to get 2 dat egg first, came out da womb & heres da outcome. Marj named me ******* ****** (if all u can see is asterisks download da necessary decryption software @ www.udontneed2knowupum.co.uk). I do go by a host of other aliases - AKWA-IBOY
(or AK-IB - u see i took da 1st two letters, I...mean...da A and...ahh 4get it) its a play on the location AKWA-IBOM in Nigeria - No we aint Igbo or Yoruba but we do eat dogs - my pups admitted it, not me though, *back 2 da list* Yello Kid, Regulation Boi (Beckz & Lady B), Mr Burns (my white-man nose), Vaporz, Griminal, N(click)Duoyo (originator unknown), Scrooge (Leanne get @ me man, I miss ur mad-self), Egg etc.

So what about me? I? Myself? My being? This 6ft compilation of flesh, bones and miscellaneous cells? *gettin too xcited, he composes himself* I'd like 2 think I'm a laid-back guy - not really da one 2 initiate chatter (I dnt talk much coz I've heard too much) but from time to time im boring at times, loud at times, quiet at times, hungry (several connotations 4 this term) at times, a prick at times, shook at times, pissed at times, loving at times, violent a few times (ask Leon from STAC) but guaranteed to always be on time *cue Ashanti* (if im not den its due 2 unforeseen circumstances i.e. Waiting 4 [black usually] ppl dem) . Oh ive been dubbed...errrhh..."Anti-social"; and I agree, I am. However sum take my stern approach for stooshness, arrogance, 'thinkz-hez-toonice-ness" but in all honesty ppl (namely females) have been shocked 2 find dat I'm ayt wen dey get 2 kno me. In uni alone u dnt kno how many "ur aiight u kno" "I never knew u wer so dwn 2 earth u kno" "I thought u wer stoosh u kno" comments I've received - its emosh!!.
So erez da P Guarantee - if u see me on road, raving, bathing (not really but i needed 2 make it rhyme), in rain, sleet, snow, fog, sun-frost, richmond wind-gales (bradford exclusive right there) and u get @ me, I will NOT and repeat will not "Tyson" u if ur a breh or "Chris Brown" u if ur a chick (screwface'n'all).
*Turns off Always on time*

So yh im hearin u ask wotz wiv da abstract title. "A Posteriori" (for those of u who didnt take ethics) refers to knowledge based on experiences and empirical evidence. So my account will detail my perspective on life based on REAL experiences & how these have helped mould my perceptions on various aspects of life; whether good, bad or straight-up frass ya see it.
So dat woz ur induction (no free gifts, apologies) A POSTERIORI PERSPECTIVE: Get-2-Know

1st Blog dunn


Note-2-Reader: Dis aint no dissertation or course essay for u to be watching da poor grammar/english/abusive use of slang etc - it's a necessary evil.